


Take Me Away

by subarashii_neko



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Self-Harm, additional drawings to please you, almost cant see it, and i cant write dammit, im sorry i cant draw, really vague relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:38:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6962848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subarashii_neko/pseuds/subarashii_neko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sugawara?<br/>Yeah, he's an angel. Great personality. Soothing.<br/>...<br/>Are you sure?<br/>Is that really him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me Away

**Author's Note:**

> okay so first of all I can't write... I'm still learning so please try to deal with any mistakes ;-;  
> and to make things more FUN i have added some of my drawings to go along with the story :DDD  
> okay but im sorry if you dont like my drawings (and the story)
> 
> enjoy!

Sugawara was in pain.

 

It wasn’t easy to explain. It’s just… painful. Maybe jealously? Don’t know.

He had a nice home, cosy, and loving parents. Aside from the fact that they were away quite often because of work, they were wonderful and caring parents who adored their son.

Maybe it was school. But his grades were fine - never mind that, he was actually pretty smart. He was adored by his classmates, both boys and girls. Apparently, his ‘soothing’ personality eased them. He didn’t really know what about himself was so soothing. I mean, it’s not like he tried to be like that. 

 

… Volleyball club?

 

That was probably it. The cause of his pain. 

 

Kageyama.

 

Sugawara loved being in the volleyball club. He wasn’t that skilled, not that athletic. Yet he was the official setter for the team.

 

Well, he _used_ to be.

 

Ever since those first-years came in, they had being doing all the work.

 

Hinata, the scruffy little orange-haired boy, was like the sun. Radiating happiness and warmth. Not to mention his _talent_ , which grew steadily day by day.

 

Yamaguchi, the sweet boy with a sweet heart. His desire to grow strong and help the team in whatever way possible was admirable. 

 

Tsukishima. He had talent, of course, and height. A cool, level-headed blocker who did things the right way, never wrong. 

 

…Kageyama.

 

Sugawara’s first impression of him? 

 

He was _scary_.

 

The way his sharp eyes stared at him when they first met - like an eagle, or a crow. 

He did grow accustomed to his scary features, but they still scared him at times. Like when he’s focused. Or when he’s angry. But he was still an innocent first-year behind that daunting look. 

 

His talent?

 

A real shock. To everyone, not just Sugawara. The precision, the aim, just _everything_. The ideal setter, perhaps. Something that Sugawara wasn’t. 

 

Sugawara knew that Kageyama had deserved the spot of the official setter. He didn’t want to give up the spot, of course, but Kageyama would be more helpful to the team. 

 

Much more helpful that Sugawara.

 

He didn’t hate Kageyama for it. He knew that Kageyama had worked his way up to the spot, just like him. Maybe it was just annoying that, despite the age difference, he stood no chance to him.

 

Why couldn’t Sugawara have talent like his? His skills had improved a lot since his first year at high school, but all that was nothing to Kageyama. 

 

Kageyama, with the talent.

Kageyama, with the skills.

Kageyama, with his hard work.

 

Was this the pain? Kageyama?

 

Yup. It was Kageyama.

 

Sugawara’s desire to play never ceased. It was always like that. His desire to play would grow some more each day, and when he set the ball up in the air, just perfect for the spiker, it was the best feeling ever.

 

Desire. It was set away by Kageyama.

 

His desire grew, but now he wasn’t on the court anymore. He just watched from the side. Kageyama setting. Kageyama serving.

That was his spot, wasn’t it? What was Kageyama doing there?

 

…

…

…

 

Why wasn’t he on the court anymore? His best friends, Daichi and Asahi… even they’re on the court. Nishinoya, Tanaka, Hinata, Tsukishima… all on the court.

 

He was once there with them.

 

* * *

 

Some days he’d go home. A bad day, mostly. He’d go to his room and open the little drawer on his desk. Underneath all the papers and pens, a flat glass paperweight. Underneath that?

 

A razor.

 

Pretty small. Very sharp. Clean.

 

Sugawara would hold that small razor above his forearm. To cut? Yes.

He’d breathe in, and out. Yes, he was nervous. A few minutes later?

 

He’d put the razor back in the drawer, place the paperweight on it, stack the papers back on.

 

On bad days, he would go home, open that drawer. His longing to cut would disappear as soon as he sees the razor. 

 

‘What a coward I am,’ Sugawara would think to himself. ‘A wuss.’

 

* * *

 

A bad day. Not just any old bad day. A _bad, bad, bad_ day. Ultra bad days aren’t things you run into often. Just normal bad days.

 

Sugawara had the _bad, bad, bad_ day.

* * *

Woke up late.

“Dammit.”

The rain was pouring outside - it made the house shake. Could be his imagination though.

—

Sugawara was soaked from head to toe. His silver hair was stuck to his forehead. Rivulets of rain water trickled down his face.

 

“Oh my god he’s so hot.” 

The girls in the corner swooned over him

Sugawara couldn’t hear them over the rain.

“You’re not often this late, Suga”, Daichi said.

 

“Eh… got up late today.”

 

“We have a practice match with the Karasuno Neighbourhood Association today…,” Daichi frowned. “You might get a cold, seeing as how drenched you are right now… if you get a cold, go home and rest, okay? Don’t come to volleyball practice.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Daichi nodded, satisfied, before going back to his seat, just as the teacher rolled open the door.

 

“Class starts now…”

—————————————————

Sugawara didn’t get sick. Maybe a bit sleepy and his head ached a bit, but not enough to go home.

 

He got changed and went into the gym. The lights blinded him. 

 

“Oh, Suga! You’re here! I heard from Daichi that you might be sick…” Asahi smiled. “Glad you’re okay.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Sugawara smiled back. Then he realised something was wrong. 

Everyone was looking jittery. Hinata was pacing back and forth, biting on his nails.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sugawara was genuinely concerned.

 

“Uh, it seems that Kageyama got held back by a teacher. He won’t be here till a while later.”

Yamaguchi sighed.

 

“What did he do?”

 

“Apparently the teacher wanted to talk to him about his grades… how stupid.”

 

Tsukishima smirked.

 

“Oh well, until he gets back, I can fill in for him!”

_‘A chance to play, nice.’_

 

Daichi looked at the ground and coughed.

“Oh… “

 

_‘Oh…?”_

 

Sugawara noticed the hollowness in Daichi’s voice.

He looked around.

 

Everyone looked disappointed. _Disappointed_.

 

_Disappointed?_

 

Why? Because Kageyama wasn’t there?

 

Hinata was texting Kageyama. Sugawara could look over Hinata’s shoulder to see what he was writing.

 

‘hurry up idiot, the match is gonna start!!!! we need u in ur position!!!’

 

They… didn’t need him. What did Sugawara expect? They never needed him.

 

All they needed was Kageyama.

 

“You don’t need me…?” Sugawara laughed awkwardly.

 

_‘They’ll never need you anyway…’_

 

“No, that’s not it - ”

 

_‘Not you.’_

 

“It’s okay.” Sugawara quietly walked over to the gym entrance. “I don’t need to be here.”

 

“Wait, Suga. That’s not what I’m trying to say - ”

 

_‘Not you.’_

 

“It’s okay. You don’t need to lie.” His soft voice was barely audible over the rain.

 

_‘Not you.’_

 

“Suga, no - ”

 

_‘NOT YOU.’_

 

_“I’ve already lost”,_ Sugawara whispered.

 

Then he ran.

 

Voices. Behind him. Hinata was running after him.

 

…

 

He slipped.

 

Sugawara ignored him and kept on running. Some time later, all the voices behind him faded away.

 

Where was he running?

 

Did he have a destination?

 

Sugawara kept on running in the rain. Thunder sounded.

 

So much water on his face, a mixture of rain and tears.

 

Sugawara didn’t have much stamina. Yet he still ran. 

 

“WHY? WHY?”

 

Sugawara cried. He screamed, he yelled, he wanted to use up all the energy he had. 

Just cry everything out. 

 

It was so cold. 

 

He was tired now. Really tired.

 

There was a river near him. A clear, beautiful river on good days.

 

A brown angry mess on days like this.

 

He knew that the river was pretty deep. It’s just that it was so clear and pristine that it seemed like the bottom was shallow. 

 

He couldn’t see the bottom right now. All brown and ugly, a furious rush of water.

 

Who did this river remind him of?

 

Oh.

 

_Himself._

 

Being good. Innocent. 

 

Then all the dirty things inside him crash together to make chaos.

 

Sugawara reached into his pocket, and pulled something out.

 

A bundle of tissue paper.

 

Caressing a sharp razor.

 

Another at home. Another one at school.

 

You know, _just in case_.

 

Sugawara stared at the small razor.

 

He wasn’t scared anymore. Or more like, he didn’t have any feelings.

 

He pulled the razor against his skin.

 

Once is not enough. He did it again.

 

Crimson. The colour of his blood was crimson. Lots and lots of crimson.

 

Sugawara swiped across his forearm multiple times. 

 

His right arm and his left arm.

 

Lots of times.

 

He was never able to do it. Sometimes he would grab the razor before he realised what he was doing. Then he would be afraid. Can’t do it. Not now. I’m okay. 

 

I’m fine.

 

The river took in his blood, sucking it in and taking it away with the angry rush.

 

…

 

Could the river take him as well?

 

Probably.

 

Sugawara stared at his forearms. They were mostly engulfed in red liquid, just a few patches of skin showing.

 

_‘River. Can you take me away?’_

 

The aggrieved brown flow continued to roar. 

 

Was it just him, or did it sound like the river was crying?

 

Probably just him. Him alone.

 

Sugawara turned his back to the water. Looked at the view.

 

A grey sky. No patch of light. 

 

Nobody in sight. Just Sugawara near the river.

 

_‘Lovely. Lovely view. My scene.’_

 

Sugawara laughed. Loudly. No one would hear him anyway.

 

He turned his gaze over his shoulder.

 

The rushing river gazed back.

 

“Thanks for being there. Take me away!”

 

Sugawara laughed again, before letting his body fall freely, to the river.

 

“Sugawara!”

 

_‘Huh?’_

 

Everyone from the volleyball team was running towards him.

 

Sprinting.

 

Hinata.

 

Yamaguchi. 

 

Tsukishima.

 

Tanaka.

 

Noya.

 

Ennoshita.

 

Kinoshita.

 

Narita.

 

Asahi.

 

Daichi.

 

And _Kageyama_.

 

Kageyama, the cause of his pain. 

 

**“S-Suga!”**

 

**“Suga-san!”**

 

Everyone was running towards him. 

 

Him. Sugawara.

 

Sugawara.

 

Sugawara who was falling into the river.

 

**“Sugawara!”**

 

The brown rush swept everything away.

 

_——————————————_

 

**Daichi’s POV**

 

“Daichi-san, he’s not here!”

 

“Okay, look somewhere else!”

 

_‘Shit, Suga, where are you…’_

 

Daichi put his head in his hands. 

 

_‘Why did I say that… stupid me!’_

 

A hand patted his back.

 

It was Asahi. His long hair was stuck to his face.

 

“Don’t worry Daichi. We’ll find him.”

 

He smiled warmly, but his legs were shaking.

Daichi noticed. As a captain, he should take more responsibility in making his teammates feel better. What was he doing, crouching down like a sissy? 

 

“Yeah.”

 

He stood up and started running around, calling Sugawara’s name.

 

_‘Suga can’t really run long distances… he doesn’t have much stamina, so he shouldn’t have gone very far.’_

 

_‘He wouldn't do anything stupid.’_

 

The Suga he knew was smart, kind, and gentle. Like an angel. His smile washed away any problems. Of course, sometimes he would have his dorky moments, but he would just laugh it off.

 

He never imagined that Suga would be troubled over anything. A perfect, translucent being.

 

When Kageyama took the spot as the official setter, Sugawara didn’t show any signs of jealously. He worked hard and practiced so that he wouldn’t lose to Kageyama.

 

_“I’ve already lost.”_

 

Daichi heard him say that just before he ran off. It was just barely audible, but it was heard. What did he mean? Lose to who?

 

…Kageyama?

 

“Hey… isn’t that him there?”

 

The rain was pouring down harder. It was almost impossible to see. 

 

Over a little bit of high ground.

 

The sound of laughter. A light voice.

 

It was Suga.

 

Daichi’s weary face lit up. Laughing Suga? It was going to be okay.

 

He raced up the small hill. It was Sugawara. 

 

Wait.

 

What was he doing? No, stop.

 

Suga, stop.

 

Don’t.

 

**“Sugawara!”**

 

He was already falling. Into the river, which looked like it could eat anything up with it’s violent surge of mucky water.

 

Suga had heard him. Definitely heard him. He saw his eyes widen a bit. Amber eyes.

 

He saw them.

 

**“S-Suga!”**

 

**“Suga-san!”**

 

Falling. Can’t stop it now.

 

**“Sugawara!”**

 

The brown rush swept everything away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading up till the very end ;-;  
> i'll try to post another chapter(s)  
> i hope you enjoyed it :)


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